Expressing my life at those moments may be hard , whatever I say , and any words I choose aren’t really sufficient , I'm now with him , next to him , but it's just that I hate everything now , god finally gave me something , but I prefer death instead of what's happening , it all happened last year , a year with him was just like hell , but I still question myself , why ? why me ? I don’t deserve this , what did I do to have this life , is it my mistake ? or is it my destiny ?
Fahad : salam ybki roo7i shoofeh
I headed to salam's room , I faded that angle and returned him to his bed , I was staring at that innocent baby , the angelic view that I loved and hated, he's the reason why I'm with fahad , but …
A hot tear , full or regrets , pain and sadness , took its way to my cheeks , I closed my eyes , and remembered the day I learned by heart , the day that changed my life , that day ….
_flash back_
I returned home after that slap , I was happy that his hand touched my cheek , yes people this is love , a crazy feeling that holds sadness and happiness , pain and joy different feelings all under something called love , although sad because his words just shattered my heart and mind , and life .
I was thinking about my life , what's next , and what's now ?
I decided that I'll forget him , I know and admit that I can't , I'm gonna try and struggle , because I believe that loving him will be more painful.
I closed my eyes , and departed from this cruel world , to a world where everything is possible , I ran to my dream world , escaping from this malicious life to a different life , that was created and shaped by my wild imagination , dreams turned to be reality in that world , and struggles were replaced by facilities . let me using few words describe the way I feel , I feel lost , misplaced , and miserable. even though I tried to play that stupid game against fate , even though I tried to used my dreams to build a life , or a shelter to escape to , deep inside I realized and knew that with all these tries nothing will ever change , and everything will just stay the way it is .
The routine of visiting soha daily , continued , and kept on , and as usual I'm heading to visit her , to make sure that she is okay , I walked in that long yet depressing hallway heading to the room that restrained soha , actually I thought that she was lucky , she was surrounded by the ones she loved , she was supported by the people that meant life to her , she was injured but physically , pills and rest were her medication , but I had no one beside me , my soul was tortured , the one I love hates me and the medication I need does not exist because I'm deeply damaged mentally .
I reached the room , but I didn’t find anyone there , all I found was an empty room that held white furniture and dull white walls. Wired, I went out searching for soha , or fahad or anyone . I fially found fahad , and soha's father together , their worry faces scared me , I was about to ask but fahad answered before any question , soha …..
