chapter 5

P.S: you better listen to someone like you by Adele , exactly fitting this situation.  

Mama: ana ma ra7 alif  a adoor  , fin as mtgdmeen lek , w al fur9a ma tet3wa'9

Me: mama atw83 t3rfeen rayye be hal mw'9oo3 , ana zwaj ma abi atzwj

Mama started yelling : RAZAN 5ALA9 LE META Y3NI  A..

I interrupted mama : MAMA 5ALA9 7ESSO FINY SHWI , ENTO DMRTONY , ENTO SABAB KEL ELI FINY ANA W ZEYAD KENA N7IB B3'9…

Mama interrupted with a surprised tone : ENTI W ZEYAD

Me : Eeh ZEYAD , ZEYAD ELI HO … and I couldn’t complete …   

_flash back_

I remember that day as if it was yesterday , I still see it in my mind, with every single and specific detail

My dad had ordered all of us to be there, he wanted to mention an important thing , no one knew what is it , we were all waiting, me , mom , my 3 brothers , actually 4 , w 3ami sultan , my dad stated by destiny in those few words : ana alyoum abeekm klkm tkoonon mjtm3een , ya sultan al sr eli 5beenah 23 sanah lazim ynkishif , ana lamman awdi3 hal denya wdi akfir thonbi , ana 562t ktheer bs hal 56a2 5ala9 ma 3ad agdr a5beeh , kant shrkti b azma w Haifa(mama) kant 7amil , w bnfs wgt weladt'ha kant azmti , kan sultan o5oy al kbeer mtzwj 9ar lah  4 sanwat lakin ma gdar yjeeb 3yal , lamman Haifa wldt jabt tom f eshtr6 sultan 3ly eni etha 36aitah wa7id men al tom , bysa3ndi bel azma , f 36eetah zeyad

ZEYAD ? ZEYADI ANA ?

I couldn’t hear the rest , what I heard was more than enough , my eyes closed together , and my body was so heavy , I just couldn’t handle this.

After 2 days of that I woke up , and as I opened my eyes ,I saw all the memories of me and zeyad, hugging , talking , smiling , I remembered his eyes , his passionate eyes , I saw love deep inside them , huh I didn’t only see his eyes in my memories , I saw them in front of me , but this time full of pain , full of fear and frighten , my surprise shut my mouth , I couldn’t say anything , not a single word , I saw zeyad's lips moving , and as he spoke , I screamed and shouted with tears all over my face , what I heard is enough ,what's more , is there anything left , do I have to get ready for more , I'm the sister now , the SISTER…

_end of flashback_

Comments please , they mean the a lot.

chapter 4

 And as we sat , and all of us were there , mom , ra2id and his wife reema , rakan , rami , and zeyad.

Mama: kaifek zeyad ? men zaman mo marna

Zeyad: tamam , t3rfeen al shu'3il , bs ana jay al youm 3lshan abi agoolkm eni 8rrt a56b

Did I hear that right , zeyad yabi y56b , ZEYAD ?!!!!!

I was speechless , I didn’t knew what to say , or how to act , but all I know that this thing is over , it was his choice

While everyone was happy for him , and between their congratulations

 I said : mbrook zeyad , enshallah tet'hna b hal zwaj w tshoof feh eli ma sheftah m3 al '3air , bs ma gelt lena meen s3eedat al 7'6 ?

He was really surprised , I think you are too , this is over , I'm sick of being sad , desperate , I believe that now should be the end of all this drama , I know that this wasn’t a good start , I had to pretend , yes pretend and as they say " we are what we pretend to be "

Zeyad answered proudly : sara alX

Me while laughing physically  but dying mentally : ohh sara ma '3airha , kant m3ay bel thanwi , wallah w kbrt  bta5ith zeyad

I was dying , 7sait ro7i bt6l3 men mkanha , bs I'm not showing  my weakness , not anymore. I was blessed to hear my mobile's ringtone echoing in the silent living room. it was an unknown number ,I got up and went to my room , and answered the phone

Me: alo

The unknown # : alo razan

Me: fahad ?

The unknown # : eeh fahad , kaifek razan ?

I answered wonderingly  : tamam al7mdellah

Fahad : razan ana abi musa3dtik , abi afaje2 soha , w enti akthar w7da t3rfeen soha , mumkin ?

Me: akeed

And the phone call continued until we decided that we would meet today at 9pm

As the pointer of my hand watch pointed at 8:30 , I was with my driver heading the restaurant selected by me and fahad , and at the exact of 8:45 I was waiting in the table.

At 9:00pm fahad figures appeared

Fahad  : while smiling : am I late or something ?

Me ; hahaha no , I just came early

Fahad sat , and we both ordered 

Then I said : ent shtbi tswi bil'9b6?

Fahad: ma 3ndi shi bebaly , ana jay lek tsa3diny

Me: umm, what about mathlan enk ta5eth'ha trip le Dubai  , greeba w bnfs al wgt 7elwa

Fahad : 7lu , bs ana abi shi '3air shwi

Me : 6yeb , bs 36iny youmin afkr a arid lek 5abar

We continued our dinner , & it was great , fahad was such a funny and a friendly person , yd5il al glb.

At the next morning , while having my coffee in our garden , that was huge and combined with a plenty of colorful flowers, my mom came and sat in front of me

Mama: 9ba7 al 5air

Me: 9ba7 alnoor

After minutes of silence mama finally said

Mama: etha ma 3ndik shi mumkin atklm m3k b mw'9oo3

Me : akeed

Mama: ana ma ra7 alif  a adoor  , fin as mtgdmeen lek , w al fur9a ma tet3wa'9

Me: mama atw83 t3rfeen rayye be hal mw'9oo3 , ana zwaj ma abi atzwj

Mama started yelling : RAZAN 5ALA9 LE META Y3NI  A..

I interrupted mama : MAMA 5ALA9 7ESSO FINY SHWI , ENTO DMRTONY , ENTO SABAB KEL ELI FINY ANA W ZEYAD KENA N7IB B3'9…

Mama interrupted with a surprised tone : ENTI W ZEYAD

Me : Eeh ZEYAD , ZEYAD ELI HO …

If you want to know who's zeyad read next chapter ;)

Waiting for your comments    

chapter 3

Hello guys, I'm really sick and tired , adding to that school has just started , and from the first day I have got the a lot to do . Anyways all I want is your comments and feedbacks no more, enjoy.

Now I'm home , laying on my bed , and thinking about life , and how hard is it , how struggles are always surrounding us , even if we're happy , this happiness wouldn’t last , we would always have sad moments , we would always be weak , desperate , destroyed , but that doesn’t mean that this sadness would also lasts. As life contains happy moments, it contains sad moments , and let us think a little bit , would we value the happy moments if they would ever last without combing with any sad moments? No, the answer is defiantly no , and as we say          

المشاكل ملح الحياة .

I woke up the next morning also interrupted by soha  , this is the phone call we had:   

Soha: raaazaaaaaaan gomi bsr3a t3ali 3endi

Me: soha shfeek 7tta al noum ma at'hna feeh , b3deen

Soha: razan yallah 3ad, tdreen ena mali '3airek

Me:6ayeb 5ala9 bs skri

Soha :waiting 

End of phone call

So I went to soha's house, and as I entered there , I saw  a smile drawn in her face , and then she came and hugged me .

Me wonderingly: soha feek shi ?!!

Soha shouted : RAZAN ANA 7AMIL , ANA BA9EER OM

I hugged her back and then said: MBROOOOOK 7BIBTY.

I was really happy  for her , she was more than a sister , kant o5ty elli  jabt'ha al denya w ma jabt'ha omi , b3d ma trkni zeyad soha kant m3ay , w ma trktni , he al ensana al w7eeda eli t3rf   kel alami , he al w7eeda eli sharktny 7ezni , w bel mu8abil 5ltny ashark'ha fr7ha , ay o5t hathe , ahh soha.

She asked me to help her to prepare a dinner , for her husband to tell him about her pregnancy , I agreed without any thinking of course .

We finished, and I helped her with her hair and makeup, and we chose a dress for her to wear. It's 9 pm now and I said my goodbyes , soha w9ltny 3end al bab w as we reached the door , fahad (her husband)  entered the house , so here's what happened:

Fahad : ahlain razan kaifek?

Me: tamam al7mdellah , yallah ana ast'2then

Fahad : la eg3idy shd3wa

Soha : eeh razan t3shy m3ana

I was shocked , shfeeha soha

Me: la mara thania inshallah

Soha : la razan , manti bray7a

Fahad: eeh yallah ana b'3yer malabsi w jay

When fahad left I immediately said: soha shfeek ?!!!!

Soha : ma finy shi , bs enti sa3dteny  w

I interrupted her : soha ana ray7a 5al..

I couldn’t complete my sentence , we both heard fahad's voice calling , soha msktni men yadi w wdtni 3nd al dining room.

I awkwardly took a seat between them , damn it felt so wrong.

Fahad  finally broke the silence and asked :ela soha ma gilty li shmunasbat hal 3sha w al kash5a ?

Soha: umm fahad , ana 7amil

Fahad seemed so surprised , it was clear that he was speechless , he stayed for some moments , realizing what did he just heard he finally got up and went to hug soha.

And as the dinner went on , fahad was such a gentleman he was so nice to her , lucky soha , she deserves this all.  At that moments I remmberd zeyad I wish he was like fahad , as much caring as him , ahhhh.

Next day

It was a normal day , I was watching tv , and mama was calling me from the dining room –yes we eat a lot if you notice- as I was going there , I heard the door open and as it did zeyad appeared from it , ya da al zayed wain ma akoon y6l3 li ,he greated me formally , as if there wasn’t anything between us , I hope I can be like him. We both headed to the dining room silently.

And as we sat , and all of us were there , mom , ra2id and his wife reema , rakan , rami , and zeyad.

Mama: kaifek zeyad ? men zaman mo marna

Zeyad: tamam , t3rfeen sl shu'3il , bs ana jay al youm 3lshan abi agoolkm eni 8rrt a56b

Did I hear that right , zeyad yabi y56b , ZEYAD ?!!!!!

Waiting for your comments

Twitter account:@lamablogger

Ask me on : http://ask.fm/lamablogger

chapter 2

Back to present day

My phone had interrupted my thoughts, and it forced me to face the ugly reality. It was my friend soha asking about me , and when had I  returned from London , yes after that day I left  everything behind me and went , I just couldn't handle it here.

I was back home now, in the dining room, surrounded by the rest of my family, after my dad had passed, my family grew closer after that tragic event. Silence was killing.  After finishing that dinner that is most likely a scene that repeats itself every day since I was back from London. I haven’t seen zeyad from that day of the hospital which means a year ago, I can't face him, it just that whenever I see him I remember everything.

a week after

Today is the wedding of my brother ra2ed, I didn't want to go but he's my brother, adding to that my relationship with my brothers became better. After changing and heading to the weeding hall, the wedding was amazing, it was how I imagined my OWN wedding with my OWN zeyad. After all the fake smiles and everything, ra2ed came followed by uncle sultan, rakan , and rami , and WHAT A SHOCK zeyad was with them . Our eyes met and as they did I remembered his promise  

_flashback_

I was talking to zeyad while crying, he was trying to stop the tears flow, and he successfully did by saying the following:

Wa3d meni  ya a'3la ma 3endi eni ma atrkik lo aish ma 9ar

Wa3d meni ma afr6 be hal m7bah ya 7ubi al awal w al a5eer

Razan ana aw3idek eni 6ool ma ana 3ayesh ma ra7 t7tajen a7d '3airy , and hena dayman , w mafi shi yfrgna ela al mout.

_end of flashback_

I was thinking about his words , w mafi shi yfrgna ela almout , really did that happen ? la zeyad eli frgna kan akbar men al mout. Eli frgna kan kalemat , eeh kalemat kant kafya t7dd m9eerna , what was that words though ?

 If you want to know that words, support my by saying your comment please.

Follow me on : @lamablogger

And for any questions ask me on: http://ask.fm/lamablogger

Remember your feedbacks and comments means the a lot ;)   

chapter 1

I was watching the sea, and as the wind created the waves of the sea, memories had waved into my mind with every single detail, as if I just heard that words, that was most like knives that shattered my heart and destroyed me.  

 _flash back_

It was late, and as usual no one was home, mom attending wedding or a party, dad in a business trip, and my brothers weren’t home of course. I was busy chatting with zeyad , until I heard a voice calling : razan.

I immediately closed the line, and went to see who's calling , my maid had gave me the phone , I wondered who may be calling at this time , and it was my mother I answered wondering : n3m mama

Mama: razan 7bibty '3iry mlabsik w t3ali al mustshfa obook t3ban

I changed and drove to the hospital, and now I'm between my mother's arms hugging her and asking her not to worry.

1 week after

My father is better now , we were with him in his fancy suite in the hospital  , me , my mother , and my 3 brothers ra2ed , rakan , and rami , and his one and only brother , sultan , with his son zeyad.

I'm razan the 18 years old girl , tall , long light  brown hair , wide hazel eyes , tiny mouth , and tiny nose , I have 3 brothers ra2ed (23 years) , rakan (21 years),and rami(19 years). I have been raised without anyone by my side, mom is always busy so and my dad, and my brothers. No one had ever asked about me.  I never thought that I would do this but I did , I talk to zeyad without anyone knowing , zeyad the 23 years old guy that stayed by my side , that gave me a chance to talk , to share my pain , yes I love zeyad , I don’t know where are we reaching , but all I know is that I love him.

Back to the hospital

My dad had ordered all of us to be there, he wanted to mention an important thing , no one knew what is it , we were all waiting.   I didn’t know that those few words the my dad had said  would determine my destiny , WHY , WHY , after I found the right person , this happens , laish zeyad laish zeyad ?!!!   

_end of flashback_

For any feedbacks contact me on : @lamablogger

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When I had been through the a lot, writing was my choice to express my feelings. This is my first blog, I hope everyone likes it . For your comments and feedbacks contact me on my twitter account: @lamablogger