chapter 16

hello

This post is dedicated to my soul mate and sister @niza_nemo I love youuu <3   

I greeted soha in that dull , depressing room that was like a shelter to her after what happened…

  This time there was something different , soha was tiered , her pale face was an evidence that she wasn’t good , at all

Soha : fahad mumkin tetrkni m3a razan shwi

Fahad:akeed

Fahad left the room , what's happening here ?

Soha finally declaring what's happening: razan , tf'9li hatha *she handed me a box* etha 9ar finy shi , abeek tft7eenah , mo gbil , hathe amana meni lik  

She was tearing

Me: soha la tgoleen hal klam , allah y6wil b 3umrik w y5leek

Soha: allah kreem

I stayed for a while , and then left the room , I was thinking about this box , I was interrupted by a massage:

"meet me in **** after 30 mins"  

That wasn’t expected , adding to that I'm not ready to meet him ..

I was thinking about that phone call months ago

"…. , I'm tired of hiding my feelings and I suffer for having these feelings toward you because you are ….. !"

So this is time to face him , we both acting as if nothing had ever happened , but this scene of pretending is over , I have to be ready to face him , I have to handle the consequences of everything I said and meant

I took a deep breath , and walked to the table he was in

…: hi ,  I asked to see you today , to talk about the phone call we had on the past months , I don’t really get you , you love me ?

And he laughed a laugh f sarcasm and continued

I know all what happened between you and zeyad , and now you're also taking the risk to love me ? me , I seriously can't get you , as if I'm the only person left to love , how can you betray her , how dare you are ? what do you expect me t say ? I love you back ?

I remained silent , all this pain is unpredictable , I can't resist it , my tears was about to fall but I held them

…*shouting*: ANSWER

Me : what do you want me to say ? I love you wallah I  tried to hate you but I can't , efhmni wallah eni a7bik a7bik

I was shocked and stopped by his slap , a slap that woke me up , that Stoll all my dreams , because now , just now I knew that he would never be mine

….: law  bs soha t3rf  7gigtik , t3rf meen razan eli heyya m5do3a feeha , w9lt feek t7been zoj 9deegtik ?

Yes ladies and gentlemens the one I love is fahad , fahad soha's husband soha , the one who chose to stay with me when everyone left me , my soul mate , e5ti eli jabt'ha al denya w ma jabt'ha omi

The only problem in life is that you can't choose the ones you love , you can't control your feelings

المحبة من الله

Wait for next chapter to know what the box contains



chapter 15

I went back home , this time I stayed at the roof  staring at the stars and thinking Since that day , I couldn’t stop thinking about him , I was enabled to think about anything but him , remembering that day wasn’t a choice , my feelings won this time . what I extremely hate about my life , is that I always tend to love the wrong persons . my brother first and now…

…I want to hate him , I want to dislike him ,  if only that was a choice , if only

I finally fell asleep…

I called him… Me: “I’m tired of thinking about you all day long, I can’t hide my feelings anymore, I just can’t handle it. That’s why I would like to confess my love to you…”
And I hung up the phone.

*..Few months later*

Soha is now at the hospital but not because she’s about to give birth but because she’s very sick and her baby is in danger. I blame myself for this, this family is officially damaged and it’s my entire fault.

I really wanted to call him to check on him and see if he’s okay but it feels wrong to continue doing this, I need to stop. I kept on telling myself that he’s not mine and that I shouldn’t fall for him. But I always end up choking with my tears because we all know that deep inside he’s not just a crush, IM IN LOVE with him!

I took a warm shower to relax, tried to forget everything and start fresh by visiting Soha and apologizing even though an apology won’t erase all the mistakes I’ve done but this has to come to an end. I decided to stop thinking or at least stop interacting with him for good.

I got dressed, wore simple white clothes which symbolize peace.
I got out of my room, went downstairs sallamt 3la omi elly 6b3n mu ra’9ya 3ly b3d kl elly swaita bs ma tnlam w ma y7g ly az3l 3laiha, I chatted with her for a while and this is how our conversation went like:

Mama: “razan enti akeed t3rfeen eni b3d eli 9ar m3a zeyad t’3yrt 3leek , bs na 8rrt eni ansa , aw bela97 atnasa eli 9ar w asam7ik , inshallah tkoni t3lmti men elly 9ar”

Moms words were like knives stabbing and shattering my heart, I never learn, never…

Me lying to myself first before mom: “Mama ana 3arfa o wallah mu bydi bs jd t3bt bs mama ana t’3yrt ktheer b3d kl elly 9ar, w elyoum raj3t nfsi w 8rrt enni bb3d 3n kl shy w brkiz 3la elashya2 elmohema w awalha 9da8ti ana w soha..”

My mom interrupted me: “inshallah ma ykon ha4a bs klam, aham shy el af3al”

Me: “ok mama ana ast24n bro7 azor Soha”

I got out of the house, and on my way to the hospital lgait new opening 7g new coffee shop so I decided to get something for Soha. Guess shft meen hank? Zeyad and his fiancée Sara! Sallamt 3laihm 3l sre3 even though I don’t have feelings for Zeyad anymore…its shocking! I got Soha macrons and left, got in the car w kmlt mshwari..  

And now we finally reached the hospital which means it’s time to meet up with Soha, this is going to be hard but I have to do it.

I started walking in the long hallway which leads me to Soha’s room..

Silent lips, screaming thoughts…..

Ttw83on meen kallamt lma I confessed my love?

Find out in the next chapter, enjoy reading xx

chapter 14

I immediately called rakan to say thank you
Rakan : hii
Me : hii , mara shukrani I soo like it

Rakan : like what

Me : the room

Rakan : which room  are you talking about

If rakan wasn't the one , then who did

My question wasn’t an issue , I didn’t need to search for an answer this time , instead the answer found me , rakan's call was followed by another  call that ended all my doubts. Why this person again why , why
It was soha , yes soha that just apologized for everything , the one that saw her best friend hugging her husband , soha that just called me from the hospital because of her baby's life is in threatened thanks to me . can anyone just imagine my situation ? just picture the life I'm leaving ? , what a blessing life , what a wonderful coincidences , what a life I cried , alas crying wasn’t enough , my tears and sniffs couldn’t echo the pain I felt deep inside

Few days later 
soha finally left the hospital. , and now I'm on way to see her. I entered her house with a white tulips bouquet , I handed it to fahad , and greeted both the husband and wife , fahad and soha
We chatted about some random stuffs , and for sure awkwardness occupied some moments. But the main subject was soha's apology about misunderstanding  the situation. And my hate for myself grew more and more.
I went back home , this time I stayed at the roof  staring at the stars and thinking Since that day , I couldn’t stop thinking about him , I was enabled to think about anything but him , remembering that day wasn’t a choice , my feelings won this time . what I extremely hate about my life , is that I always tend to love the wrong persons . my brother first and now
I want to hate him , I want to dislike him ,  if only that was a choice , if only

chapter13

Someone entered the room

Who do you think?

La w azeedkm men al she3er bait , it was 2 persons not one , lucky me :)

Mama nearly shouting : aish eli ga3da ashoofh ?

Zeyad : ahlan mama , bs knt kay at6mn 3la E5TY ( and he stressed that word), w ana mashi al7een

While zeyad was speaking to my mom , rakan's eyes - yes he was the second person - had thousands of questions , but he quietly said : we need to talk

Great he misunderstand , and I believe that as zeyad left , the awkward moment will take their place here , get ready for it

Mama: wallah mo 3arfa shagol , al7mdellah 3al salamah , aw ya 5sara e7tart , mumkin ya razan tkbreen shwi , mumkin tfkreen shwi gbil ma tt9rfeen zay hatha al t9ruf al '3bi , mumkin ? Wallah ma a3rf hatha '3l6 meen ya benti , ana aw enti aw meen ? Atmna eli 9ar ma yn3ad w ella bykoon le t9rf thani m3ak

And she left , but rakan stayed , and before he speaks or says anything ,i spoke

Me: zeyad came to apologize , and he wanted a new start but as a sister and a brother

Rakan : that's good , but it isn't the subject that needs to be clarified ,

He took a deep breath , and then continued : why did you do this ? What made you so weak ? Why did you choose this ? You know I've been always here for you , you chose to torment your soul , but you could've comfort it , you could've talk , and express your feelings , I thought that you became stronger , I didn't think that your this weak , you chose the  easiest way to end everything , you thought that this would be the end , but your totally wrong , this is the start of something new , I know I can't say I didn't expect this from you cause I never been in your shoes , I never experienced what you did , but sister do you know what start is this ? It's the start where you take each step with me next to you , I won't leave you , I would help you to get over all your pain , do you promise that you would help me with that ?

I was speechless , no words can't describe this situation

I felt hate towered myself , I felt that I'm such a selfish person , I never thought of anyone but myself when I did that

I just cried and cried and cried and hugged my brother so tight , I thanked god for the life that I'm still living first and then for this brother.

We stayed hugging for 5 minutes and then I said : now I have a reason to live for

And then smiled , a truthful smile , coming from the insides of my heart and being reflected on my lips.

He said : it's your last day in here

Me: laish since when I'm here ?

Rakan : 2 days , but you were asleep

Me: ohh , 6ayeb can I ask for something ?

Rakan:sure

Me: can we watch a movie and have pizza just like last time

Rakan: do you read my mind

I laughed , and we watched a movie and we also had pizza , what a day

The next day I went out of the hospital , and headed to our home , that home that I just hated, many bad memories.

I entered the house and headed to my room , I opened the door to see a room different than mine , the walls were painted in baby blue , and the furnished was white , I liked the colors they were so peaceful and relaxing and cozy ,

I saw a little card in the bed that had : hope you like the room , I'm sorry  

I immediately called rakan to say thank you :

Rakan : hii

Me : hii , mara shukrani I soo like it

Rakan : like what ?

Me : the room ?

Rakan : which room  are you talking about ?

If rakan wasn't the one , then who did ?

chapter 12

whom I saw was unexpected at all , not after what happened at least ?

Who do you think ?

I saw fahad staring at me , his eyes were worried , afraid , they were so pure that they reflected all the pain in his soul , I didn't know what to say or what to do , a total shock , why would he be here , soha saw both of us together hugging, and now the life of their baby is threatened because of me , he must hate me , I was so confused , to speak or not to ? If yes what to say ? How long will we stay silent ? Ohh and who carried me to here ? I should be under the grit , my soul shouldn't be in this body ? I should be in a total another place , maybe anywhere but not with the person in front of me ?

My thoughts kept on going , and my eyes were selected on fahad , so and his eyes , each with his thoughts , no one speaking .

What a day , it isn't only fahad's shock , the shock is doubled now , the only question that was in my mind is WHY , WHY !!!

I thought that this silence would not finite , would not end , but everything has and end ,
The reason why we both spoke wasn't a choice , we had to speak for things not to be understood wrong , by this person whom saw us twice together.

Soha ?

Umm ?

No , actually it was zeyad , whom saw us twice in this hospital together. Why does it always has to be him , can't this thing get over ? Can't this drama reach an end ?

Fahad:ahlan razan , al7mdellah 3al salamah , soha t3bana ma gdrt tji ana jeet bdalha at6mn 3la 97utk , ana ast2thin al7een.

Noooooooo don't leave , I can't handle anymore awkward moments , me and zeyad ,ughhh , hell no , why is he here by the way ?

I was looking to the other side of the room , y3ni ma knt ashoof zeyad , I'm not ready to face him

Zeyad : umm adri faj2tik b jyeti hena men '3air sabi8 enthar , bs ana jeet 3lshan at6mn 3leeh l2nik e5ti  , eli 9ar bel ma'9i ma kan '3l6na , lakin e7na t7mlna nteejat shi ma lena thanb feeh , ana 8rrt ansa eli 9ar , I know it's hard , I know it isn't a thing that you can get over quickly , bs we have to do this , we have to love each other back , but as a SISTER and a BROTHER , razan e5ti sam7eni , ana t3bt men eli 9ar w 7as bel thanb , ana ma abeek tgoolen shi w ma ant'6r rd, bs abeek t3rfeen eni asif 3la kel eli 9ar , ana mashi , w al7mdellah 3la slamtik

I was pretty shocked , unexpected , zeyad telling me this ?

my thoughts were couldn't even complete , because here comes the third shock , omg no not you ....

Someone entered the room

Who do you think?

@LayanAlSukaibi thanks for your help ♥