chapter 15

I went back home , this time I stayed at the roof  staring at the stars and thinking Since that day , I couldn’t stop thinking about him , I was enabled to think about anything but him , remembering that day wasn’t a choice , my feelings won this time . what I extremely hate about my life , is that I always tend to love the wrong persons . my brother first and now…

…I want to hate him , I want to dislike him ,  if only that was a choice , if only

I finally fell asleep…

I called him… Me: “I’m tired of thinking about you all day long, I can’t hide my feelings anymore, I just can’t handle it. That’s why I would like to confess my love to you…”
And I hung up the phone.

*..Few months later*

Soha is now at the hospital but not because she’s about to give birth but because she’s very sick and her baby is in danger. I blame myself for this, this family is officially damaged and it’s my entire fault.

I really wanted to call him to check on him and see if he’s okay but it feels wrong to continue doing this, I need to stop. I kept on telling myself that he’s not mine and that I shouldn’t fall for him. But I always end up choking with my tears because we all know that deep inside he’s not just a crush, IM IN LOVE with him!

I took a warm shower to relax, tried to forget everything and start fresh by visiting Soha and apologizing even though an apology won’t erase all the mistakes I’ve done but this has to come to an end. I decided to stop thinking or at least stop interacting with him for good.

I got dressed, wore simple white clothes which symbolize peace.
I got out of my room, went downstairs sallamt 3la omi elly 6b3n mu ra’9ya 3ly b3d kl elly swaita bs ma tnlam w ma y7g ly az3l 3laiha, I chatted with her for a while and this is how our conversation went like:

Mama: “razan enti akeed t3rfeen eni b3d eli 9ar m3a zeyad t’3yrt 3leek , bs na 8rrt eni ansa , aw bela97 atnasa eli 9ar w asam7ik , inshallah tkoni t3lmti men elly 9ar”

Moms words were like knives stabbing and shattering my heart, I never learn, never…

Me lying to myself first before mom: “Mama ana 3arfa o wallah mu bydi bs jd t3bt bs mama ana t’3yrt ktheer b3d kl elly 9ar, w elyoum raj3t nfsi w 8rrt enni bb3d 3n kl shy w brkiz 3la elashya2 elmohema w awalha 9da8ti ana w soha..”

My mom interrupted me: “inshallah ma ykon ha4a bs klam, aham shy el af3al”

Me: “ok mama ana ast24n bro7 azor Soha”

I got out of the house, and on my way to the hospital lgait new opening 7g new coffee shop so I decided to get something for Soha. Guess shft meen hank? Zeyad and his fiancée Sara! Sallamt 3laihm 3l sre3 even though I don’t have feelings for Zeyad anymore…its shocking! I got Soha macrons and left, got in the car w kmlt mshwari..  

And now we finally reached the hospital which means it’s time to meet up with Soha, this is going to be hard but I have to do it.

I started walking in the long hallway which leads me to Soha’s room..

Silent lips, screaming thoughts…..

Ttw83on meen kallamt lma I confessed my love?

Find out in the next chapter, enjoy reading xx